Sorting Hat Joke
by Marauder Megan
Summary: This is a spoof on the sorting hat done through the sorting hat's eyes! Made by Megan, Kelly, and Rebekah
1. Chapter 1

AN: this is by me and 2 of my friends. I am Megan, there is Kelly, and Rebekah. This was a joke we made last summer, and I have finally decided to post it. Yes, it is making fun of Harry Potter!

Well, this year I am going to go by if they are good or bad, and how their hair smells. "Abbot Hannah!" GOD what a bad name! Well, she has okay hair and her head is small. (I can see down her shirt!) Well, lets go with Hufflepuff. "Boot Terry!" I don't like his name either but I can't choose them so his hair is ug well, lets just not talk about that! And his feet, so small! How can he stand it? Well I guess Ravenclaw! "Corner Maggie!" Finally! A good name and at least her hair is okay and so Whoa look at the bracelet! OMG How can she stand that is that a cross! Let me get a good look at that! It almost fell off, but lets go with hmmm Hufflepuff. I get in that corner sometimes I can look at it. Well ya'll must think I am a whine case but wait whoa I don't think so. So hmm OMG check out this guys name! Dumas Marisa. God I would be so embarrassed! How can he stand it. Well, this guy should go in Slytherin cause he has black hair and it smells so bad! Well, then Slytherin. Maybe I hope, I am making good choices, well they can't trade me in! I am the only one around! Suckers! "Elmo Emit" hmm Emit Elmo eats eggs. Well there is a lot of E's in his name, and his hair smells like Herbal Essences. God not more E's! He goes to Gryffindor, no E's in sight, and OMG his owl's name is Eerier! God I hate his name! Well, who cares next name! Fredrick Amber umm.. Really, well I like her name, but who cares, Her hair is all greasy ugh! My insides all greasy! She defiantly goes into Slytherin! Ya Slytherin! I need a back wax! Looks like a Fred there is a Fred in Slytherin. I hope. Hmmmm. Why is Dumbledore Staring at me? Can he understand me? Meah! That dumbass can't understand me! He can't understand anything! He never knows what's going on! Man now I feel like washing my hair with Herbal Essences Those E's really get to you! I don't feel like sorting these whine ass kids I am going to pass out! Or at least pretend to. Those kids can be sorted tomorrow! The next person can have really frizz control, I'll pass out as soon as I'm done! Gryffindor! God I said Gryffindor! Can't she hear ME! All the Frizz. I can't stand it. Gosh! I feel so sorry for her boyfriend, wait she can't get a boyfriend! "Potter Harry" Wait, isn't that the freak who went to his aunt and uncles? The one everyone is calling a saint? I should put him in Slytherin. But… he is begging to not be put there.. Meah! His hair isn't greasy enough. Gryffindor! "Weasley, Ronald" Another red head… Gryffindor! "Malfoy Draco" Slytherin, he has too much hair gel! Well, I'll see all you freaks later!

Review. I am posting another chapter eventually! This is hilarious to us! You would understand it if you hung out with us a lot!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Pointless Dreck: _Megan _This wasn't in class. This was in the SUMMER. How could it be when we are all in different classes, and grades. If you don't think it is hilarious, I don't care. This is something we wrote, and we will post it if we want to.

__

Kelly man back off it is just a frikin story thingy it don't matter plus I have decide I don't care what u think n e ways

Rebekah shut up gay fag

Well, I decided I am loved here, AND It is could outside! So the new little freaks are coming so I got to sort them up again! Henerson Carrie, hmm what should I sort by this year. Huh Carrie? Well… OMG Look at your nails! Ugh how can you stand it they are so short I don't get it! Well with nails like that you should go in Slytherin. Igloo, Chris! Igloo? What kind of name is that? Igloo haha! Whatever. Well, lets look at her nails! WHOA! Lets not look at them, ever. Ever heard of a nail file freak? You go to Ravenclaw because of your claw like nails. Johnson Mark… blah blah blah blah, that was exciting. I fainted!

Well, it's a good day for me. Dumbledore sorted all the kids for me and he's out being mean and yelling at kids. (singing voice) While I am sitting her all alooone! BY Myself! The phoenix is staring at me while I am all alone with the phoenix I am staring at the crap. slap slap what am I doing. How did I come up with that? Now the phoenix is staring at me like I am horny. Quiet! Dumbledore is coming.

"Well, you don't have to tell me to be quiet loud mouth. Lid." said the Phoenix.

"Well, well," said Dumbledore. "How's my lightheaded little hat?"

"I'm just great," said the hat icily. (The hat says to himself) Man the old dude needs to shave when he goes to bed I will hop off my shelf and get my razor. Ha. Ha.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Its midnight and Dumbledore is finally moseying back to his room. The razor is in the bathroom but look at that what does he need it for does he like shave his legs? We'll find out later.

It 12:30

The old bat hasn't gone to sleep yet. Does he like need Nyquil? Maybe I can sling shot in there. SLEEP! Stupid thing. Now he's asleep and the stupid phoenix is starting at me. He knows my plot. Damn! I will have to wait for another time. Sometime else in the year…  
Well, here I am again. I know I haven't talked much now I am in the greenhouse. I know how boring. God I just want to slap Dumbledore. That purple and orange Flower doesn't look good together. Man the orange is dieing so it is like brown. Man someone needs to slap some sense into him. Well phoenix is in the hospital thanks to yours truly, yes, me! Today is just a normal day. WHATS that! Is Harry in trouble. NO WAY YES! He beat up Draco what's his butt. Ya, but oh yay I could send him a howler. Ha Ha Man you think I need to rethink my confused way on how to organize the kids. Meah! God there's a girl with the fattest breasts. (God and its not the same girl I was nagging on earlier.) Man this thing is FAT! It goes up to the elbow. Hey Phoenix! (whisper whisper) Now take me around the school. Phoenix swoops under the hat and off they go

"YA YA god I think you could go and faster mister no legs" said the hat.

"Hey! I heard that!" Said the phoenix  
"Wall, Turn it, Turn it! Not that way…"

AN: HA! I updated whether you wanted me to or not! Wee!


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